


Comfort of Strangers

by TheonSugden



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: F/M, First Person, M/M, alcohol mention, craig makes a negative comment about john paul in this, nothing serious but just wanted to warn you, one comment he makes could be seen as misogynist, tadpole is craig's nickname for newt, the sex talk in this is fleeting i just wanted to be cautious with explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 16:29:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3417617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheonSugden/pseuds/TheonSugden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Craig goes to Dublin and John Paul stays in Hollyoaks. Craig tries, and fails, to move on as best he can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comfort of Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 2008 at another site and I'm mostly archiving here since the site hasn't been active in ages and I'm not sure how long it's going to stay around. I haven't really been that into Hollyoaks in a long time now so please keep in mind what I wrote here is based on my writing for the characters back then, not anything that has happened to them in recent years.

I'm too nervous to tuck my shirt back into my pants, so Connor does it for me. I'm not sure how he feels comfortable enough with me to help position my clothes, but then, he was peeling the same shirt off not so long ago.  
  
"Been wanting to do this since we first met, Craig."  
  
I just smile back. His Irish lilt matches his gorgeous green eyes and red hair perfectly. He has such a nice muscular build on such a short frame. He's a wrestler. His smile hints of untold stories. He'd fit into any advert campaign for Dublin, although the part about sucking my cock down to the root would have to be pitched to a very limited audience.  
  
I can't tell you where I first met Connor. At the library, maybe. I just learned his name a few hours ago when he started trying to get into my pants. I don't let him know that. I don't let him know that no matter how much I tried not to, every time we kissed or I took his dick in my hand or I felt his mouth on me, I saw another man.  
  
I didn't want to do this. I never do. I feel like I'm cheating. I feel so alone. I study, and I get drunk, and I go to lectures, and I pull, and I never stop feeling dead inside.   
  
He dumped me. Told me I wasn't good enough for him. Ignored my text. Why isn't that enough for me? Why can't I move on?   
  
I never knew if I could have sex with anyone after John Paul. I stuck to that for a few months, I swear I did. I just need that small touch, that recognition I'm worth caring about, even if only for a few moments.  
  
Before John Paul, I never wanted to go anywhere near a bloke's bits. Just...no. He made me appreciate how good that roughness and equal footing can be. I can be tender with a fella, but I don't have to be. I just have to be myself. Or as much of myself as I'm willing to let somebody see.  
  
I pull Connor to me for a deep kiss. I don't close my eyes this time. I don't let myself see...him.   
  
"Connor, can we keep this..."  
  
He puts his finger to my lips.   
  
"Sure. I'll just say we were 'studying.' Always had an interest in heavenly bodies anyway."   
  
He expects me to groan, or roll my eyes, or jibe him for his lousy sense of humor.   
  
He expects me to know how to care. 

  
\---  
  
"Always the quiet ones...can you help me with this?"  
  
Muriel. Or Mary? I take an opportunity to grope her big boobs while helping her put her bra back on. She slaps my hands but laughs all the while.   
  
I can't tell you how we met. At the pub, I think. She was all over me and I wasn't going to turn her down. John Paul would tell you I'm just in denial, but I've always liked women. Their taste, their scent, their touch. I like the soft kisses. I like the long hair flowing through my fingers or against my bare chest. I like how the parts fit...saves me from getting too confused. I just like them.  
  
That should be enough. Women are so different from John Paul, aside from never being happy and always bitching in my ear.   
  
I shouldn't have said that.   
  
Even now, after he hurt me more than I ever thought I could be hurt, I still don't want to even think anything bad about him.   
  
As I help her put her top back on, the door opens. It's my roommate, Frank, tipsy from a night at the pub.  
  
"Sorry mate, couldn't stay away any longer. Got a paper to do...if I don't puke all over it."  
  
Muriel/Mary kisses me goodbye and I let my hand run through her long brown hair. I know I'll never see her again. I wish I could be more upset about that.   
  
As I sit on my bed, Frank tosses me a box.   
  
"Your mum sent this for ya."  
  
Food, or letters, or photos. Unspoken pleas for me to find a girlfriend. Desperate attempts to convince me Tadpole hasn't replaced me in her life. Same old same old.   
  
"Man, how do you do it? You pull all the birds you want, you get good grades, you're - and don't tell anyone I said this - not bad to look at, and you got a family that cares."  
  
I force a smile on my face.   
  
"Guess I'm lucky that way."


End file.
